Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Alien versus Predator? You ain't seen nothing yet.

Last year was every horror fans "high concept" paradise. Freddy versus Jason hit the theaters and revitalized two dead franchises and it was a profitable, meaningless, and fun adventure directed by Ronny Yu. Don't know who Ronny Yu is? He directed The Bride with White Hair, one of the masterpieces of Hong Kong New Wave. Okay, so he also directed Bride of Chucky (which was also brilliant, but you don't care so a pox upon you all)another high concept piece. Needless to say, under the talented hand of Mr. Yu Freddy versus Jason was successful.

This year the Alien and Predator franchises got together and brought us another high concept piece "Aliens versus Predator" (AvP for short). I have to say, I love these "I wonder who would win in a fight?" movies. It reminds me of Silver Age crossover comics like "Crisis on Earth 2" and Bronze age classics like "Superman versus Spiderman." These tales bring back my youth.

How did AvP do? Well, it made 38 mil its opening weekend, topping FvJ by a couple million dollars. Not to worry though, the FvJ folks have come up with the ultimate film response. So I present to you the TITANIC of all High Concept Horror Films. Kicking the crap out of the classic "Billy the Kid meets" and "Abbot and Costello meet" movies. Destroying the sacrilege that was "Van Helsing." Immolating "Godzilla meets King Kong." That's right...

"Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash."

Need I say more? If I do, then you live under a rock and should be shunned for being the primitive screwhead you are.

"This is my boomstick!"

Contemplate this upon the Tree of Woe....
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